You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
