i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i think i just lost a toe
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
