Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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