Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
