Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
