I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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