you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
