Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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