I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
