i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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