I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
