yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
