If i come over, it means nothing
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Of course I have a pirate flag
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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