I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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