i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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