where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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