Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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