dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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