What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
