wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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