I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
