at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
