dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
