dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
