Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
