Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We are all done wearing pants today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
