this beer tastes like vomit already
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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