i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
