Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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