Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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