I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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