I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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