I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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