I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
