I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
