he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
