try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
