She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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