i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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