I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
