Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
