Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
