she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
that may or may not have been my penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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