The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
