We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
