also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Operation Purity has been aborted
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my poor anus
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
