My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
