I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My first STD was from a foam party
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
