He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
