I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize