she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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