I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
