I think my fart just growled at me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
