Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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