allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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