the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
