i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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