so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
