i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
