I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
