you would pick up someone in the library
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
