And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
