Quick, to the slutcave!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
