Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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