I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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