we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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