just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
