my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
